he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
