After last night, I could never be a politician.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
