Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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