just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
