you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I checked into jail on foursquare
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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