Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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