I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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