i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
