Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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