I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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