im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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