I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
