Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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