oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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