That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
