well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
