The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
