I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
