It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
These tits shall not be calmed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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