WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
time to smoke my breakfast
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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