chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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