Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
