I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
its liver damage thursday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
