the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
