Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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