bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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