do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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