they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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