last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
