I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
