Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off

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(310): View more from California

now i know why i became what i already was.

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(817): View more from Texas

Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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(753): View more from

He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.

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(815): View more from Illinois

at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.

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(516): View more from New York

Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza

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