I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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