my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
