you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
