how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
