I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
