I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
