She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
