how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
