Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
