a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
