alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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