And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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