I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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