someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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