So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
