his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
