i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
