Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
