I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
