Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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