Screwed.edu
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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