I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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