bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
