cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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