WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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