I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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