just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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