i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
