You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
