He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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