If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
