Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
