fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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