Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
