Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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