Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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