Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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