It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
