someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
PANTIES FOUND
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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