I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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