Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
