This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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