Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
