I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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