whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
