I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
