let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
