Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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